Ending an Era.

I started blogging back at 2008. I was never much of a writer. I started writing when I stopped talking. Those days, I had been trying hard to make myself an introvert from an extreme extrovert. My life had changed suddenly. From being the daddy’s spoilt brat to mom’s responsible daughter, it all happened to early; over a night. I was over-burdened with responsibilities that I could never ignore. Basically, I didn’t want to ignore. With so much of work to do and so less of maturity to attend, I started dropping people out of my circle. It was not long that, I had disowned almost everybody that I could talk to. I didn’t want to talk either, for I knew nobody would ever understand me and my problems. I had to deal with them myself.

For people who have known me for a period now, know that I am pretty impatient and spontaneous as a person. I wanted to become calm; composed rather. I started blogging so that I could be content within myself. Nothing of that sort has ever happened. Instead I kept rambling about people and places: their respective lives and shit, absolute shit. Shit, that I have been into; been trapped into. I liked people. I disliked people. I fell for people. I got over people. Every single thing was recorded in my blog. Hurt, Pain, Irritability, Headache, Hopelessness, Denial, Hypocrisy, Happiness, Success, Failure, Insomnia. Everything. Almost everything.

And then last month, one fine day, I decided to delete my blog. I wanted to delete them all. I didn’t have enough reasons to convince myself so after over a month of thoughts, I finally deleted it.

Standing here at 2013, I feel that am back to square one: Back to 2008. Yes, that was exactly this way. Back at 2008- High-school was over and I was about to enter Law College, there was so much of confusion and chaos around, I knew, I had to drop so many people and go far away. I knew I had to be good and great to make myself worth a job that people around me envy. And now at 2013- College is getting over and, I already have a job. But, there still lies the same confusion and chaos. I don’t know, if I really want to go so far and do a job. Although, the anxiety to enter the real world a.k.a Job is putting my stomach in knots. I again know, I would have to drop so many people, delete so many things from my head.. the blog being a part of the things, I always wanted to delete for it had things that wouldn’t let me start afresh. I know now, that I am good enough and have successfully made myself worth it. BUT, there is this one thing that’s been different. Back then I was at distress, Now am at Peace. For, I know now, things happen at its own course of time. Whether things fall apart or join themselves together, mostly you have nothing to do about it. The Universe is allowed to run its course without explaining to anyone why it did or what it did.

So, here I am starting things afresh. Ending an era, Publishing another.

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2 thoughts on “Ending an Era.

  1. I have been trying to start afresh since so long, but always i fall back in the old aching, completely disarrayed past. What happens when people cannot come to term with themselves? Do they become yet another Virginia Woolf or a Sylvia Plath? Sometimes, and this is pretty often, I feel so scared of myself. My blog is quite a few poems, letters to a man I might never see again, never quite cease to love, to a mother who is gone, to a girl who might have been me. And my diary is dead. Every time I look inside, I find a void. Without any of the passion, call it emotion, pathos whatever I pour in my writings. And this era seems never to end.

  2. “My blog is quite a few poems, letters to a man I might never see again, never quite cease to love, to a mother who is gone, to a girl who might have been me.” Sometimes your words break my heart. Anyway, I hope your era ends soon and I’ll pray so that the Lords bless you with some positivity, and that you are able to make a new start. Hugs 🙂

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