Why are you not open to relationships?

 

So, this week I met this old school friend of mine, who asked me this eerie question: “So why are you not open to relationships?” I tried those, “I am yet to fall in love”, “It doesn’t happen to me easy”, “I keep falling for the weird ones”. And, finally after jabbering quite a lot, we got diverted and the conversations took its usual turn. But this night, I have been really thinking, this might be the common question asked to many women like me. So, what do they answer? So, I did this quick survey asking a few of my friends, on how they react to this question. People came up with answers like, “I am a workaholic, I don’t have the time for love”, “Maybe, its not the right time for a relationship yet”, “I am yet to find the right one”, “I have been into too many shitty relationships to get into another”, “I still have something left with my ex”, “I am in love with my freedom, I don’t want to be committed”.. And Blah!
And, then I asked myself, whats your reason miss? Well my answer is no different. I fall for the good guys and get bored of their goodness, and then, I fall for the bad guys and realise they are bad influence to my soul. I am back to square one.

So, the conclusion is you will have plenty men come your way before you figure out why you always keep falling for the wrong ones. Here, I am making a quick list on why they never work out usually.

  1. YOU BECOME WHAT YOU READ.

So, once in a blue moon comes these books, tv series or movies that almost tells your life story. You relate to their protagonists. Automatically their love interest is what you start looking for around you. Anything close to that character and you fix your target, failing to realise what looks good in books, doesn’t even work closely in real life. You imagine yourself as the damsel in distress and expect a saviour like that in the books and movies. But real life is Savdhaan India and Movies are Fifty. Get real girls!

  1. YOU LOVE THE CHANGES A MAN GIFTS YOU.

You have been an arrogant brat all your life. Nobody could ever chance you. Suddenly you have a friend who is too keen in your life. The more you ignore him, the more persistent he gets. Your resistance breaks down. He adds an unexplored side to you and you suddenly find yourself doing too many things that you weren’t comfortable with at first. These changes gives you an adrenaline rush. But girl are you really inherently the person he’s making you into? Or is he just influencing your thoughts? Check out!

  1. YOU FALL FOR BAD BOYS.

All your life, you have had boys running after you. You have always have had all the attention. Suddenly you come across this guy who doesn’t care about you, he won’t even bother being nice. Your mind takes it as a challenge and there you go, tumbling down that tunnel, trying to win him over. How do you not see it? It’s written all over him—he doesn’t care. Or are they playing mind games with you, you would never know.. unknowingly, you would do all that he would make you do with his ignorance. Watch out girls, its only your ego. Draw a line before you fall into their trap.

  1. DOMINATING OLD MEN MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD.

Strangely enough this concept is so cliché and common. The idea of having an older boyfriend never gets old. You initially love it for they are more mature and you start believing on their experience of things. And then their master stroke in every argument, “I am older than you and I know it better than you”, kills your perspective. Now who’d ever want to be in a relationship like that? Some women still do, most of them opt out.

  1. INTENSE LOOKS COULD KILL..

He is tall. He has a pair of deep intense eyes, beautiful lips, wonderful voice. Oh well, not everything can be controlled, especially not lust at first sight. You ignore the fact that you might even not be compatible with each other. You ignore all the red flags just for the pleasure and the thrill of being with him in the moment. Be aware girls, not the best way to go about!

You’re clearly not thinking straight here, so there’s no saving you from your own doom. So, this time think before you fall for another wrong guy.
And, forgive me for being so preachy.

Lots of Love.

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Include me In.

You hated him initially. With time, he charmed you with his ignorant pride.
And then, you talked, talked and talked.
He made you blush with his silly acts instead of his not-so-generous words.
He walked with you kilometres aimlessly.
He stayed up nights with you, singing romantic ol’ songs.
He sat beside you staring at you from the corner of his eyes watching the sun rise.
His conversations started with an important social cause and ended with silly fights.
He came down to meet you on cold cold nights, just because you’re upset.. and that wordless “I Love You” to comfort you.
On late evening walks, he drew out his hand out of his pocket, hestitantly clasping your fingers tightly into his, and then quickly let it go. That restlessness in his face, made you go.. “awwww” on it.

And, this “He” was your friend, lover, charmer, sometimes just another stranger.
How many of you have mistaken that for love?

Well, you are not the only one. Include me In.

its Okay!

The hardest lesson I learnt is that good people also hurt. Growing up opens a lot of doors for us, kills the definition of good and bad, black and white and fades it into the unhealthy shade of grey.

Some people that you believe are you angels also offend you. No matter how loving they are, they will sometimes be harsh and mean. No matter how perfect they are, at some point or the other, they will say something that you weren’t expecting them to say.
And that is okay. They are only humans and not angels.
I think it was the “okay” part that was the hardest for me to grasp.

It is okay when someone you are affectionate about behaves a little irrationally. Its okay when they don’t love you back anymore.
Too often we just forget that. We ask for a break but we are not willing to give one. Sometimes, the easiest and the most peaceful way is to give up. Give up on a few people who are messing with your set of expectations. If not permanently, may be temporarily. I would rather become the tree that sheds off its torn-away and faded-yellow leaves to accommodate the newer and greener ones, than the tree that dies with all its faded and old leaves.

Period.

But stabbing it is a must do.

I am quite a loser. I stick around. Specially, when I am not needed, or wanted?
Its hard for me to realise that I am not wanted anymore. Inevitably, I had chosen to be around someone’s life for longer than I should have. I realise, it is quite a flaw that I comprise.
It’s simple. Probably my role in their life has ended. And this is the kind of rejection that’s hard to accept because I had been once so important for them. It is hard to accept that my role in this story has ended. It isn’t my story anymore. And probably, it’s time to move on. These words are a brutal stab in the heart. But stabbing it is a must do.

But, I don’t let go easy, never.
So, here I am trying to find my way back to my own story rather than hanging out in the sidelines of another.